Graduated

Playing the piano in the Union at RPI

Hey all!  I'm currently back in DC and hanging out at home until I move out to Los Angeles to start work.  I've been spending a lot of time cleaning the house up and meeting up with friends--especially at graduation parties.  Naturally people always ask the question, "So how does it feel to be done with school??"  I think I've thought of a way to explain how it feels.

Anytime I sit down to write some music I find myself feeling overwhelmed by the possibilities.  I start with the notes.  There are 12 of those.  Then let's say there are five octaves that people frequently use so about 60 notes.  But then we start thinking about the combinations of those notes and things really get out of hand.  Factorials get involved.  What chord should I start with?  Major?  Minor?  How long should the song be?  What should it be about?  The lyrical possibilities are endless.  Should I play this song on the piano or would it sound better on guitar?  I wonder if I should bring in an electric guitar... or drums... or my tambourine.  I usually get flustered at the thought and figure no place is really any better than any other place so I just put my hands down and play.

In a way I think this is what our 20s will be like.  Up until graduation life has been pretty planned out for us.  When I was in 5th grade I could tell you what I'd be doing in three years because I knew that I'd probably be in 8th grade and probably still at Stone Ridge.  Even throughout my years at RPI I may not have known for sure if I'd be studying in London or playing field hockey, especially upon my arrival, but I knew I'd be studying engineering and probably graduating on time.  Now, all of the sudden, I couldn't tell you for sure where I might be two years from now.  I can't tell you who I will be celebrating my next birthday with--almost certainly with people I have yet to meet.  Geico asked me what my new address will be in July and I couldn't even tell them that.

In a way this is exciting.  I like the thought of endless possibilities.  I hate making choices though.  It's nice being accepted to multiple colleges and having multiple job offers but then you suddenly realize that your decision will have a fairly large impact on the rest of your life.  I felt that there was never really enough information to make a good decision either because the questions you really want answered can't be answered.  I can't imagine how different I would be if I'd chosen another college.  Now I try to picture the things I will do in the next ten years and all I can come up with is a list of hopes and dreams.

We all have dreams of course.  But should we follow those dreams or are they too risky?  Is now the time to take risks?  Should we stick with a more traditional career path?  If I want to do this or that before I die should I do it now or can it wait?  I find myself torn somehow.  And scared.  With college debt payments and California taxes on the horizon I find myself wondering if I'll be endlessly working forever or if I'll be able to take a trip to London soon.  Maybe even move there?  Will I like this new job?  The people?  My roommates?  California?  Who knows?

I do know one thing.  I know where I want to be when I'm, say, 30.  I'm sure 22 year old Katie and 30 year old Katie will have differing views on what 30 year old Katie should be.  But this is all I really have to go on for now.  I will be a song, composed by my experiences and surroundings.  And whatever the song, I hope it is filled with interesting chord progressions, beautiful harmonies, and sick solos.  Whatever I do along the way and whoever I become, I hope I'm pleased with how I turn out and am proud of this older Katie.  I hope I'm enjoying life to the best of my abilities and am rocking out wherever I am.  I know that whatever challenges we face between now and then, we'll find the right notes to play and carry on somehow.  So for those of you about to rock... your 20's... we salute you.

I want my 20's to be like a Coldplay concert.